Holiday Hodgepodge!

 
(this is, quite literally, one of the first pics returned in a google search of "hodgepodge")

Good tidings, all.  As the end of term approaches with lightning speed I thought it appropriate to sweep the dusty corners of my thinkin’ bucket before diving headlong into exams.  The thoughts have come fast and furious this week, and so rather than write poorly about a single topic I thought I’d write poorly about a few different ones!  Care to join?  I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that if you’ve read this far you’re willing to ride this out to the end, right?  Right.  

Ready, set, go!!!

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This year I partook in the festivities widely known as Movember.  The premise is simple.  In order to raise money and awareness about prostate cancer men all over the world refuse to touch razor to upper lip for the month of November.  The result? A menagerie of healthy, robust dusters as far the eye can see.

Well, that’s how it works in theory.

For my part, I managed to produce a small tuft of wispy fescue, normally reserved for a lad half my age.  It was enigmatic, communicating simultaneously “come hither” as well as “contact the police”.

While I put on a brave face every morning there were constant reminders of my soup strainer’s inadequacy.  The school was teeming with Tom Selleck look-a-likes, Mr. Belvedere knock-offs, and even a poor man’s Hulk Hogan.  My moustache cowered whenever it heard a heartier breed swooshing by.

To add insult to injury, on November 21^st, a full three weeks after my mo's conception, a young woman asked (in a startlingly loud voice):

“Hey, I thought you were doing Movember?”  

"I am" I replied, my grown-up voice sounding decidedly impish. 

"Oh, it doesn't look like it" she replied, perceptibly annoyed.

A single tear coursed its way down my cheek and while I hoped beyond hope that my moustache might be firm enough to stop that tear in its tracks, I was no more surprised to taste saline than I am to see the sun rise in the east.

By the end of the campaign I managed to secure $100 in sponsorship, but you should think of it less as a sign of my duster’s market value and more of an indication of just how wretched it looked, as if it were huddled in front of an abandoned storefront, its outstretched hand grasping a threadbare baseball cap with which to collect the leftover coins from your recent purchase of over-priced coffee.

Well here, I’ll let you judge for yourself.

But even this picture tells a sad story.  To get this shot, the least dismal one I could manage, I took over two dozen photos.  The lesson learned?  It doesn’t count as a moustache if you can see it only when the lighting is “just right.”

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I’d like to pay some attention to a few of the comments I have received from you, the reader.

First, it has been pointed out by a number of you that my bio contains an error.  My use of the word “Ola” for “Hello” is sorely mistaken.  Apparently, it should read “Hola”, unless of course I meant to use the Spanish word for “wave” as my salutation.

There are two possibilities here:

      1)   I don’t know the first thing about Spanish and I have been ensnared in a web of my own cultural pretension.

      2)   I know everything there is to know about Spanish and I just wanted to see if you Spanish speakers were paying any attention.

Well, given my well-known aversion to antagonizing the Spanish I think we can all assume that numero uno is a safe bet.

But, I will say this: I have known about this gaffe since day one of Legally Blogged.  I haven’t corrected it because I simply CANNOT figure out how to edit this pane in TypePad.

So, if there are any TypePad wizards out there (bonus points for a Spanish speaker) who’d like to throw me a bone I would be much obliged.

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Now, most of the comments I receive are

 1) From my mom (and thus)

       2) Surprisingly complimentary

I was taken aback last week when I received this one:

“sounds like you are really buying into all that legal eagle mumbo jumbo they teach you at school. These illusions will serve you well in the long run.”

Let’s make something clear: I’m not offended.  

I am merely confused.

First of all, call Legally Blogged what you want, but chockablock with legal mumbo jumbo?  Unlikely.  I mean, I spend more time talking facial hair than contributory negligence. 

Now, idiosyncratic, over-wrought mumbo jumbo?  Oh yeah, this thing is lousy with that stuff.

Anyway, I needn’t quibble over semantics because what is most interesting about this reader/commenter is that (thanks to a little research method I like to call “mouse-clicking”) he is from The Isle of Man!

Now, I know what you are thinking: “the Isle of Man, that sounds fictional, like unicorns or Crighton's moustache!”  Oh, how wrong you are.  Not only is the Isle of Man real, it also has the COOLEST FLAG ON THE PLANET!!!

What is that?  Could you imagine passing one of those on the street?  Could I attach four of them to a Volvo?

Anyway, your comment couldn’t have come a moment sooner.  Whether you knew it or not, good sir, your fortuitous timing solved a months-long dilemma, a real personal struggle of mine. 

See, I couldn’t decide whether to tattoo my face with the Isle of Man flag or the Ghostbusters symbol.  But now I know.  The universe has spoken and pretty soon I will have a three-spoked wheel of armored legs embossed directly on to the spot where a moustache would normally grow!

Now that would be an illusion that would serve me well in the long run, don’t you think?

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Oh, and if you are new around these parts that just might be as a result of Legally Blogged being featured in the “Sites of Interest” panel on the UWO homepage! (Bottom of the left hand pane, go now before it's gone!)

I am almost embarrassed to have my “writing” sandwiched between webpages outlining a Kenyan sustainability project and Western’s staggering United Way contributions but I am not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

To the benevolent web elves who waved their wands and made this happen (that’s how the internet works, right?) a sincere thank you.  If any of you ever find yourself in legal trouble in the future just give me a call.  I’ll use all manner of my mumbo jumbo to lend a helping hand!

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Well, exam time can only mean one thing: I set aside my almost primordial dislike for cats and share with you a feline-centric video that shall serve as a distraction during these trying times.  While I went with ninja cat last year I am opting for something a little less rad and a little more heart-warmingly adorable (take note, that is the last time I will ever use that phrase again in either print or speech).

Behold, Surprised Kitty!

Alright, folks, that’s it til next time.  To my compadres, best of luck with exams and enjoy your time off.  To everyone, enjoy the holidays in whatever manifestation of them you so choose.

Exeunt.

Posted by Chris Crighton on December 4, 2009 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

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Comments

Excellent hodgepodge... especially the mental image of a three-legged volvo. I thank you.

Posted by: Sharon | Dec 7, 2009 10:43:12 PM

Hi Chris,

Have you thought to say that was Ola in Portuguese and not in Spanish?? Although I would prefer it with the H like in Spanish... may can help you to solve this huge issue of saying Hello to all of us: your readers, even the readers in the admin wing of the law school???

Posted by: Nathalia | Feb 10, 2010 2:36:13 PM