long overdue...

So I always knew I was bad at keeping journals but this confirms it. I apologize that this is my first, and probably only entry, however I do share the sentiments of many of the previous entries and I know that others have said it far more eloquently then I could ever have written.

As this trip draws to an end I am left with a mixture of emotions. I feel joy and thankfulness for the experiences and people we have met, the learning we have done and what help we could give. I feel proud of the work we have spent so much time on, the love that we have put into this project and steps we have made for Medoutreach. I feel humbled by the generosity we have seen here from people that have so little, and love for all those people that have helped us along the way. I feel fear for those we are leaving in situations that are less than ideal, for those that we cannot help and who cannot help themselves. There is excitement for what the coming years will bring, and what changes that are being made within Medoutreach for the future. There is also sadness that we are actually finished - that we have to say goodbye to these people that over such a short time have touched me more than I even thought imaginable.

    I have found myself in tears and in fits of laughter (don’t worry more laughing than crying) all throughout the trip however this week has been especially bad for ups and downs. Although I have enjoyed all of the things we have done in the last 7 weeks I think that the things that have touched me most are the groups that we have done screenings for and provided some medical care. Our work with Upendo HIV group has given me a small glimpse of a life that I can barely fathom. I see such hope in their eyes even though there seems like there should be no reason to hope, and I see happiness when it seems there is only loss. They are an inspiring group who has impressed me time and time again. They have so little, and are so thankful for the small amount we have done. I wish there was more we could do. I feel so inadequate sometimes – that we are here and although the work we do is helpful, I cannot help but feel they deserve so much more. The stigma of HIV resonates everywhere in Tanzania, and this is reflected not only in their stories but also in the voices of the children we are teaching in schools and at the practices of some hospitals here. I am excited about the prospect of helping them become sustainable and take comfort that we will be able to provide some medical care throughout the year for those who need it.

The other place that has touched me probably most deeply in my time here is our work at CCF. Even now as I write tears come to my eyes when I think about how I am going to have to say goodbye to these boys in only a few days. From the first day I got there I knew that I would grow to love this place and since then I have spent not only our working time there but most weekends and spare time I have had. The 29 boys at Maji ya Chai have found a place in my heart and they will stay there forever. After all my time there I still find it hard to imagine what some of these kids have had to go through.  In hearing each of their stories my heart breaks over and over again at the pain they have endured, the love that has been deprived from then and unfair circumstances life has given them. When you hear why they left home – their mom could not support all 8 children so he left to lighten the burden, he was beaten by his father, he was abandoned when his mother remarried, etc – it really makes you ask why the 8 or 10 or 12 year old boy is the one who suffers. However despite all their hardships, these children are the people that have made me laugh the most and the ones that have reminded me to stop and enjoy the moment. There is a refreshing desire to learn, to love and to play in each of them that make me smile and I wish that I could give them all the things that they desire.

As a final note I want to say thank you to everyone at home who has supported us throughout our journey and also say a special thanks to those here who have been key in our work. Throughout the summer I have seen so much passion from all of this year’s members – each of us in our own area and each with our own ideas – and I’m eager to see where next year will bring our program.

Anyway that is a few of my thoughts for the trip. I’m sorry that this is so long overdue!
Melissa

Posted by mymchan on August 3, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0)

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