Mzungu: those who wander aimlessly, usually a white person.
I want to write this particular blog because I think it is necessary, yet I don’t want to write this blog because I don’t want to put on paper what I have come to terms with. I started my blog talking about voluntourism and how I wanted to avoid that type of outcome as much as possible, however as I begin my third week in Mwanza, I am really starting to feel like I am a (close to useless) voluntourist. Here I am in Tanzania getting to experience an entirely new culture, work on learning a new language, and enjoying the new opportunities I am faced with on a daily basis. I am SO energized at the thought of working with Kivulini and their goals of empowering women and preventing violence against women. People are more than hospitable, and I am so grateful for all of these things. The problem is – what am I doing for them? How am I actually improving anything with the two organizations I am working with for the next three months?
I started noticing and feeling incompetent once it really hit me how little Swahili I knew, and how important a language is. When you are used to living in your own country with your own language, it never crosses your mind that language is that important – it is just something you have. When I go to Kivulini, they are so kind and really make an effort to speak to me in English when I don’t understand, but that’s the point…they have to go out of their way to accommodate me. Sima and I went to a training day with the Kivulini staff and there were some parts we were able to participate in, however the majority of the 6 hour session was in Swahili. One member of the team was trying to help translate for me, but after a little while I told him it was okay, because I didn’t want him to miss out on the training due to my inability to understand. As well, I will be doing a program review for the SASA! project at Kivulini. I have read all about it, but I am now worried that when it comes down to doing the review, interviewing people, and going to training sessions in the villages, I will be more counterproductive than anything. I really do want to be invested in this report and the organization, but I keep feeling like my participation in this internship is fundamentally selfish. I am going to learn so much and take away amazing experiences from opportunities I am passionate about, but am I really doing anything that benefits the organization?
On a more positive note, I do think I can do a good job of the projects Sima and I were assigned at MikonoYetu. We are working on a tourism guide for Mwanza and a training manual for tour guides. This involves research, a tourist guide appealing to tourists (and I am one so I can relate to the target audience). It involves creativity and captivating an audience. I feel less meaningless in this project area, and that makes me feel better about my 12 week stay in Mwanza.
Something that I have found humbling about this trip is realizing how little I know. I don’t know what a good price is to buy fruit at the market, I have difficulties using public transit, I even face issues when trying to find a bathroom I can use. It’s funny… throughout the end of high school up until very recently, I always thought that when I grew up and began working in a field related to sex trafficking, I would work internationally. International development. I am realizing now that I would be a lot more productive and a lot more comfortable if I did it within Canada, or somewhere where I did not stand out as the person who knows nothing.
At the end of the day I am going to put my full efforts into being the best intern I can be at Kivulini. I really think they are an incredible organization and I want to be a positive asset to them. I also realize that they have had past interns before from Western, and they definitely knew what they were getting themselves into when they accepted me as an intern. Thinking like this gives me a small shot of hope that maybe I can bring something new to the table that makes this internship more of a collaboration than what it is now. I don’t want to seem so negative, but I figured it was only fair to write about issues and negative perspectives on my trip, rather than simply creating a blog about the wonderful things I am doing as a volun(tourist)eer.
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