Midnight

Written on one of those nights where my thoughts wouldn’t let me sleep

For those of you who don’t know me well, I’ll let you in on a few aspects of my life that take up most of my time, thoughts, and emotions.  .  I am sensitive, and get riled up and upset at social justice issues.  My background in Sociology has increased my awareness of the struggles those with marginalized positions in society have to face. In other words, I have a really big soft spot for those who are excluded, discriminated against, and who suffer at the hands of our institutional and social systems.  Next, I am also constantly on the lookout for new adventures.  I get bored easily in most areas of my life, and will spontaneously make plans to go on a weekend trip to Texas, to challenge myself to compete with myself (the first race I ever decided to run was 30km in distance), and I hate the idea of staying in the same environment and not experiencing new and incredible things.  I have three sisters who I can easily say are my absolute best friends.  I couldn’t ask for better siblings; they mean the world to me.

Why am I writing this in my blog? To begin with, my interest in social justice issues has really shaped how I am experiencing my time in Mwanza.  I am paying special interest to abuses of power, corruption within authority, and the gender imbalances I am witnessing. Social justice issues are present worldwide, but when you live in your hometown, you tend to ignore, turn a blind eye to, or accept them because you are accustomed to them.  Since I am in a brand new environment, living in a different continent, my senses are heightened to my surroundings, and I am doing a lot more research into the issues I hear about.  When I was in high school, I lost interest in fantasy books, and took a liking to memoirs and stories that were real.  For some reason I was attracted to stories where people faced struggles and sometimes overcame them, and sometimes didn’t.  My choice in books are often heart wrenching and difficult, yet they are important to me because they show the reality of many people’s lives.  In relation to my almost month in Mwanza so far…  When I hear stories about street leaders accepting bribes from men to ignore the complaints their wives are raising about abuse, or street police who use their authority and rape women or kids on the street, I can’t help but care.  What bothers me is my conscious awareness that I can’t change these situations.  I wish I could, but I don’t have abilities to change a hierarchical system that is engrained in a culture.

Secondly, my constant urge to travel, to be spontaneous.  This trip in itself is travel.  It is me experiencing a new culture and seeing a part of the earth I have never seen before. However, three weeks in and I already feel a little anxious.  Unlike when I am in Canada, I can’t decide to go on a road trip to the States and see a new state or drive to a different city and visit friends for the weekend.  I guess technically I could fly to different countries within East Africa, but unfortunately I don’t have the money for that (I wish!).  In Canada it is so easy for me to take a greyhound somewhere (even to Toronto) and go to a concert or explore the city.  In a way, I guess I can do that here... I have gone to museums and scenic places, but it’s different because I don’t have the comfort level and knowledge that I have at home.  When I want to go somewhere here, I am dependent on someone driving me, a tour guide, or someone who is fluent in Swahili.  I don’t have the comforts of being in an area or atmosphere where I am completely comfortable and confident.  I think I am just finding it more difficult to be spontaneous in an area where I am not confident in my abilities to navigate and feel completely safe.

Finally, it has only been three weeks (almost a month if I count the day I left for the airport), but I feel homesick, especially for my sisters.  When I am in London, I know that two of them are close enough that I could take a train and be with them in less than two hours.  In September, my little sister is joining me at Western and I will be able to see her as often as I want!  Georgia lives in Toronto and is a twenty dollar greyhound away.  My oldest sister lives in Calgary, but even then we are in the same country and we take turns visiting each other (my family went and saw her for her law school graduation the week before I came here).  I am struggling with the seven hour time difference and the definite understanding that I physically cannot be with any of them until August 18^th.  When I want to skype with them, they are usually at work or school, and when they finish it is late at night here, and I don’t have internet access in my house.  We Facebook message frequently, but I am really missing being with them in person.  I’ll admit that I am probably biased because they are my sisters, but they are such funny, loving, kind and amazing people that I don’t know how I am going to go over two more months without them.

 It’s crazy… next May after graduation I am planning on packing my bags and moving to Alberta.  I fell in love with the West earlier this year, and the adventurous part of me wants nothing more than to go and explore the mountains and incredible natural sights Alberta has to offer and start a new life somewhere where there will always be places to explore.  But now during this trip, I am thinking about how scary it might be to start a new life in a province away from everything I know.  The good thing about Alberta is that I will at least have one sister there – now I just need to convince the other two to move out there with us!!        

This blog really didn’t touch on my current experiences in Mwanza, but in my defence, it is midnight, I can’t sleep, and my brain just won’t stop racing.  I think I just wanted to express that although I am enjoying my time here and starting to really adjust to my environment, I am feeling ­­homesick and a little anxious.  I’m really glad that the group of interns I am with are so incredible.  We are a really good support system for each other.  We have all gotten really close and are much more open with each other than what I would have expected for three weeks in. 

I’m just rambling now, so I am going to attempt to sleep again.  I have a meeting early in the morning and need to be on a dala dala at 7:30am.    Lala salama.  

Comments

[Bob Gough]

Hi Rhiannon. Allow yourself the feelings. Everyone has them at about this point in the internship. And how great you have such a wonderful family to miss. In about a month things will be clicking and moving along well and you will be sad that your time there is coming closer to an end.
Best,
Bob